


Dear Diary..

by frrogy



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other, Period-Typical Homophobia, Will Byers Has PTSD, Will Byers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26454844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frrogy/pseuds/frrogy
Summary: Will Byers’ therapist gives him a journal to write in, something for him to get his feelings out of his head and into words. He really just wants to be with his friends, but Dustin is out of town, and Lucas and Mike really just want to be with their girlfriends. Confused and alone, Will tries to feel less like an outsider while confiding into his journal.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers & Mike Wheeler
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

_ Dear Diary..  _ Will jokingly wrote in his journal.  _ Therapy went fine today.. I guess. Besides being assigned or whatever this journal to write in. She said it will “Help me get my thoughts out of my head and into words.” So.. yeah. _

Will Byers sighed as he closed up the journal and hid it under his pillow. None of his friends knew that he was still going to therapy. He went mainly later after school days, or on the weekend. It’s not like it was that big of a deal, he just didn’t want to stress his friends out or worry about him anymore.

“Will, dinner!” he heard his mom call from the other room. 

“Coming!” he said, getting up off his bed and heading out to the table.

“So.. hows the journal thing going so far?” Joyce asked her son while setting out the plates. “Have you written in it yet?”

“Yeah.. a little I guess,” Will replied in a monotone voice while pouring himself a glass of water.

Joyce looked at Will for a moment, then continued to get the food out to the table. “You think it’s going to help at all?”

“Mmdnm,” Will mumbled.

“Well it cant hurt to try can it?” Joyce said as they sat down at the table.

“Guess not..” he said, picking at his food.

Joyce looked at her son again, not looking away this time, trying to make eye contact. “Will.. what aren’t you telling me.”

He sighed, “I dunno.. I guess I just don’t see why I need to keep going to these appointments.. I mean it’s not like I have episodes anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable. If you really think you don’t need them anymore, then you don’t have to. I still think you should go at times though, even if it’s not for.. yknow.”

Will looked up from his food. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Joyce smiled, the smile that always comforts him. 

He smiled back as he started to actually eat the food on his plate.

~~

After dinner Will went back to his room, turned on some music, and grabbed his journal out from under his bed again.

_ Well, don’t know how much i’m going to write in this anymore because.. so long therapy! Ok I know it supposed to help.. but it really doesn’t do anything for me. Like.. nothing has changed.. I still feel like absolute shit. He is still.. well yeah. It’s not like my friends notice, my mom doesn’t notice much either. Besides times I forget to hide- _

Will stopped for a moment. He thought to himself for a second, then went back to writing.

_ Actually journal.. diary.. whatever you want to be called, we actually might be seeing each other quite a lot. Just shhhh don’t tell anybody, especially mom. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh- yeah that’s the intro ig to the story.. it gets more exciting i promise i’ve just like set it up- but also gimmie constructive criticism and like.. idk whatever thanks❤️


	2. Chapter 2: Day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T//W: Anxiety/Panic Attacks!!

_ Day 2; Dear Diary.. Yesterday was.. interesting I guess. Dustin left for camp today. I was really hoping that the party would be able to hang out before and see him off together.. but Mike and El were busy doing whatever, and same with Lucas and Max. I mean.. I was there to say bye at least. But now I gotta get out of bed and find something to do with my life.  _

Will closed his journal and put it back under his pillow again. He thought he could attempt to get Lucas and Mike to play D&D today.. but the decided against it. Maybe they would just go to the mall or something. Or... well, he didn’t really know.

After breakfast he tried to contact Mike through signaling through the radio. After once or twice he spoke, “Hey, mike, you there?”

He waited for a moment, and before he was about to try again he heard Mike speak back. Will smiled, getting excited and hopeful that maybe they would actually hang out today. But- “Hey? Will? Yeah sorry man can’t talk rn, Im about to uh- go over to El’s for a little. Sorry.”

“Oh.. yeah that’s fine!” It wasn’t. “We can just talk later.” They wouldn’t. “Have fun!” Without him..

He didn’t even want to try to call Lucas at that point. He figured it would be the same story. Will sighed, turned on the mix that Johnathan made him years ago at this point, and flopped down onto his bed. He felt so alone, empty. Like there was just a big whole where his chest used to be. Even while The Clash was playing, he still couldn’t feel. He turned it up louder and louder until he could barley hear his own thoughts anymore. No one was home. It didn’t matter how loud he played it. It didn’t matter cus it didn’t help. He grabbed his journal once again.

_Dear stupid, shitty journal. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I be norm-_

Will stopped writing. He.. felt  him.  Everything that was happening felt frozen all at once. He felt him again, like a memory come back to life, replaying over and over. His breath started to get shakier, faster, more rapid, he was barley breathing anymore. Will tried standing up, only to end up falling onto the floor of his room, the Clash still blasting. Tears quickly started to form in his eyes, and soon they were streaming down his face. 

He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop freaking out. The only way he was able to stop was when we wore himself out and fell asleep, right there on his floor. It was a short little nap, however, and after 30 minutes he woke back up. His face was all hot and red, and his eyes were all puffy from the crying. He couldn’t feel  him  anymore, but he still felt like this. The difference now, though, is that he’s able to bottle up his emotions again. He turned off his music and went to the bathroom to try and clean up his mess of a face. 

After a minute or so of cleaning up, Will went back into his room. He laid down on his bed with his arm covering his eyes in the silence, and he started taking deep breaths. In... and out. In... and out. In...

After a while he was calm once again. He sat up and wrote into his diary of the events that had just occurred, figuring that if he were to go to a therapist and explain what has happened, he wouldn’t need to use words. But, while he was writing her heard something. It was quiet and high pitched, and Will’s anxiety slowly started to build up again. That was until he heard a voice.  _ “Will? You there man?”  _ It was Mike. All of his anxieties quickly went away, and he picked up and replied to Mike.

“Mike? Wh.. what are you doing back home? I thought you were hanging out with El?”

“Yeah,” Will heard muffled laughing in the background, “We are, actually. But uh.. we were just wondering if you’d want to hang out with us.” There was more than one voice in the background. Were.. were they all actually hanging out without him?

No.. no I’m probably just hearing things. I mean, either way, I don’t want to impose..  “No thanks. I- uh- actually have plans. Sorry.” Will quickly shut off his radio so he couldn’t hear Mike’s response.

_Just.. forget about it Will_ ,  he tells himself. _ It’s no use wording over. _

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking about them- well, not them just.. Mike. Mike. For some reason he couldn’t get him out of his head. He wished that he was there instead of El. That maybe if he-.. maybe if el was never-.. “GAAAUHHH!” Will screamed in frustration of his feelings.  _ That’s so selfish. I’m so selfish. I’m such an asshole.. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter is going to be like- less angsty i think lmao. so yeah :) (sorry for not posting in a while, those who actually care lmao-)


	3. The Arcade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before he can go to the movies with his friends, Will decides to go to the arcade for a little mindless fun, only for his insecurities to be shoved back into his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T//W: homophobia (coming from both outside forces & Will himself) (aka internalized homophobia)
> 
> Ik i said this chapter would be soft and not as angsty, but i mean it’s not *as* angsty :)

_ Day 3: Dear Diary, I don’t know.. I don’t think today is going to be that bad actually. Mike, Lucas, Max and I are going to go to the movies tonight, so I have something to look forward to. Steve sneaks us in from the back of scoops- actually I shouldn’t say that just in case someone finds this. I don’t want him to get in trouble. But uh.. I dunno I was thinking of going to the arcade today. Even if it’s by myself.. y'know it could be fun. _

Will shuts his journal and hides it back under his pillow, like it is normally. He glances over at the time: 8:42, time to get up, I guess. 

The smell of waffles fills the room as Will walks out into the kitchen, seeing Joyce making breakfast. “Good morning, Will,” She says to him with a smile. 

“G’morning,” Will mumbled back with a slight smile.

“Anything... wrong?” She slightly tilts her head and asks him.

Will’s face lit up, saying, “No, it nothing, I’m just still waking up.” 

“Well, alright then,” Joyce said, believing him. “Eat some waffles, they’ll help to wake you up.”

“Yeah, thanks,” He said, sitting down. “So uh..” Will said, continuing their conversation, “I was thinking of going to the arcade today.”

“Aren’t you and your friends going to the mall?” 

“Well.. yeah but that’s not until later tonight.”

“Then yes, I don’t see why not,” his mom said to him, kindly. “Just be careful, and don’t spend all of your allowance there either.“

Will laughed slightly, “Alright mom, I won’t.”

Joyce and him finished up their breakfast, and Johnathan came in, quickly grabbing a waffle before heading off to work. Will picked up both of their plates, cleaned them off, and put them in the dishwasher. He heads off to his room to get dressed, deciding on a striped polo shirt, shorts, and ankle high socks. He quickly grabbed some money and shoved them into his pockets before running out the door to his bike. 

Wills tires screeched on the sidewalk as he approached the arcade, the smell of carpet and coins already making their way up his nose. If he was being honest, Will really isn’t the best at playing games. He mainly liked being there because of his friends, and for.. other reasons. But today he thought..  _ Well, why not just play a few games you know? _

It was about 9:45. Sounds of coins dropping, games beeping, and people talking filled the room. Just the amount of people there with him made Will feel less alone, even if he was actually there alone. It was a little overwhelming though, but he would quickly get used to it. He headed over to Pac-Man first, a game he was  _ relatively _ okay at. Then, to Dig Dug, and Frogger, and Q*bert.

Then, Will caught eye with someone. Well, not caught eye more like he started to look at him, and for some reason he couldn’t look away. He had curly blonde hair, brown eyes like honey, and was taller than Will, not by a lot but you could tell the difference. He couldn’t recognize the game he was playing though, so he slowly walked over, not in a weird way, to see what he was playing. 

The boy seemed to take notice of his presence there. “Oh, sorry were you waiting to play?” he asked Will.

“Oh, uh no, sorry. I was just looking at it, I didn’t recognize the game,” Will replied to him.

“Makes sense, I think they like, just got this game, it’s like- really new,” the blonde boy said, chuckling a little. 

Will cracked open a little smile, face turning a little pink. “Y.. yeah. So, what game is it anyways?” 

“Street Fighter!” The boy said, his face lighting up and smiling a sweet, beautiful smile. Will's heart felt like it skipped a beat.  _ Why.. am I feeling like this.  _ “So, do you wanna play with me? I could teach you how,” He asked Will.

“Sure, I, I mean yeah totally,” Will said, stumbling over his words a little. He walked over to stand next to the boy in front of the game, and put his quarter in. The game started up, and Will finally got the courage to speak again. “So, what’s your name?”

“Oh, yeah I guess you don’t know,” he said, laughing a little. “I’m Timothy, but please just call me Tim. Timothy makes me feel like I’m an old fancy dude or some shit.”

Will chuckled a bit at this, trying his hardest not to turn red. “My name is Will. So uh, are you new here? I don’t think I’ve seen you around and this town is pretty small.”

“I mean kinda? I’m visiting for a bit, but I’m going back home soon,” Tim said, pressing start on the game.

“Oh, cool cool..” Will awkwardly said as their head to head in game combat commenced. 

Will was pretty trash at the game. They went on for a few rounds, Will winning none of them, before Tim said that he had to leave. 

“W.. Well I mean, can’t you stay for one more?” Will asked, definitely tripping over his words. “I mean.. I mean this time I think I got you beat and-”

“Woah dude, calm down,” Tim said, quiet loudly, taken aback by the way Will was acting. “It’s not like we’re dating, I’m not a fucking faggot.”

It felt as though the entire arcade stopped and looked at the scene that was happening. Wills stomach dropped, feeling as it was about to fall out of his body and he would collapse on the floor. His heart started racing, the beating slowly getting faster, and harder.

“It.. It’s not like I am either i- it’s just that-” Tim did not look impressed by Will. He couldn’t make out Tim's facial expression completely, but Will knew that Tim didn’t want him to be there anymore.

He didn’t know what he was doing at first. All of a sudden his feet started moving backwards on their own. It was quiet, so you could hear the subtle squeaking on the floor with every step he took. People shifted, moving out of his way while making his way to the door. He didn’t even reach the door yet before he turned around and started running. He ran through the doors, pushing people out of his way as he grabbed his bike. His legs started to carry him. Tears were streaming down his face as he quickly peddled back to his home.

Once he reached his house, he didn’t even use the kickstand on his bike. He just threw it down onto the driveway, causing it to make a clanging sound as they collided. It was about 11:45, so he figured that by now no one would be home, but when Will opened the door, he saw Joyce still there. 

Through sniffles he was trying to force down, Will managed to get out a little “What are you going here.” Joyce doesn’t answer. Instead, she just goes and holds her son. Will is shocked by the physical contact at first, he stiffens up a little. But, slowly, he melts down into his mother’s arms, letting his tears free from his eyes. Joyce doesn’t question anything, and just lets her son vent his emotions out until he is calm again. 

Will and Joyce move from standing to sitting on the couch. “So, is there anything you want to talk to me about, Will?” Joyce asked, not trying to pry him that much.

After a moment of hesitation, Will sighed and started speaking. “So.. you know how um, you know dad used to.. call me q- queer and a f-..” Will started speaking, barely getting the words out of his mouth. Joyce just slightly nodded her head. 

She had already known about her son’s sexuality, and she was 100% supportive and accepted it. What she didn’t know, though, is how these thoughts of Lonnie's harassment really affected him, and that other people made fun of him for it too. Joyce didn’t even know other people knew, not even his friends. “Did something happen at the arcade?” Will nodded his head ‘yes.’

He goes on to explain the series of events that happened, smiling at the good memories with Tim, but that quickly turned into trying not to scream in anger at what happened last. His foot was tapping the entire time, still feeling anxious about the whole situation. He finished of his explanation by saying, “So yeah, in conclusion even if I don’t do anything gay, I’m still just a little queer, fairy, fag-” Will was getting much more harsher with his words before Joyce cut him off.

“No, that’s not true. Even if you happen to like boys, you’re still my son. And you know what? Screw the people that tell you these things. They just close minded assholes, ok Will?” She spoke, gently moving Will’s head to face her. 

Will, feeling hollow and numb, started to feel loved again. He knew that his mother really did mean what she was saying to him. His eyes started to tear up again, but not for the same reasons as before. Instead, he was smiling, feeling warm and safe. Joyce pulled him into a hug, and they stayed that way all the way up until  Joyce had to leave to go back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also this chapter is so much longer than the first two i had to split it into two, next chapter Will will be going to the math w/ his friends and ACTUALLY not have angst (yes there will be a little but it’s ok)


End file.
